If you’re a people-pleaser, this one’s for you.
As a fellow recovering people-pleaser, saying yes to others is practically a lifestyle. At some point though, the saying “yes” to everyone but yourself is exhausting and emotionally draining, but at what point do you take action and begin to actively say “no”?
I still struggle with setting boundaries with others, partly because I want to be seen as a team player, partly because I like to do things and be around people. The cycle, if you get sucked in, can wreak havoc on your wellness, especially if you’re neglecting your own needs and goals.
C O N S E Q U E N C E S
Saying “yes” and not having boundaries can lead to number of problems, including:
- Being overworked or being subjected to longer hours at work that don’t benefit your skill set or the company’s bottom line.
- Overscheduling yourself and not leaving time for self-care
- Unnecessary stress because you’ve taken on too much
- Eventually an emotional meltdown
These consequences are important to note for a few reasons. The first is that the amount of stress you possess directly impacts your mental, physical, and emotional health which then compounds when you can’t care for yourself.
I used to run myself into the ground to excel and worked a crazy amount of hours some weeks in retail and throughout college. I’m understanding the power of sticking to your guns and being willing to walk away for your own sake. My mental health suffered some days and my body also suffered through fatigue.
How to Begin Setting Boundaries
Like anything else, learning a new skill or habit takes time. Just like developing muscle in the gym, developing your ability and comfort of saying “no” is the same.
Here are some easy ways to implement boundaries into your life and save your mental sanity:
- Name your limits: Specify them out loud, like “I won’t answer emails after 6 PM” and then stick to it.
- Remember that boundaries are a sign of self-respect: This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships; it applies to work relationships, friendships, and relationships with family members.
- People are going to be butt-hurt, but that’s likely because they can’t take advantage of you or do what they want: THIS IS OKAY. It might be uncomfortable at first, but if you don’t want someone touching your pregnant stomach or asking about your romantic life, it’s worth it to speak up.
- Oh, and start small too. Start by saying “no” to happy hour when you want to go to the gym. Or say “no” to the piece of cake after dinner. You’ll get better at it the more you do it.
If you’re having trouble setting boundaries, start with the last bullet or reach out and ask for help! I’d love to talk to you about how to set boundaries with which you’re comfortable. Taking small, actionable steps each day adds up quickly.
If you’re unsure, book a consultation or leave a comment and let’s talk about it! I’d love to help you.
Have a wonderful week!
In love and light,